


Research notes: which superheroes can suck their own dick

by Captain_Repression



Category: DCU (Comics), Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Autofellation, List, Masturbation, Superheroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 13:17:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20340742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Repression/pseuds/Captain_Repression
Summary: After thorough research, scientists have come to important conclusions regarding which superheroes can or can't suck their own dick. The government tried to suppress this knowledge, but a selfless whistleblower has stolen the list and released it to the public.





	Research notes: which superheroes can suck their own dick

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Zomburai and Cassadar for suggesting some of those ideas. The list isn't comprehensive, feel free to add your own ideas in the comments.

Thanos is too buff to bend this far, he can't suck off his own murder boner.

Dr Strange uses his magic portals to access any part of his body on his own time.

Captain America is nimble enough, but he only did it once and never told anyone.

Spiderman definitely can.

Thor is too pure to even think about it.

Loki invented the move.

Mr Fanfastic can, as any shapeshifter does.

The Human Torch can, not because his powers help him in any way, but because he trained for it.

Venom absolutely can, absolutely shouldn't, absolutely does anyway.

T'Challa is royal and dignified and would never let anyone find out he does.

The Hulk can't, that's why he's so angry.

Iron Man isn't in shape enough to do it, but he made a robot to reproduce delicate touches at a distance for that very purpose.

Alternatively, Iron Man never had the idea, he was always surrounded with people ready to suck his dick for him.

Groot self-pollinates.

Rocket Racoon probably does it in public.

Starlord hurt his neck trying, but couldn't make it.

Deadpool chopped his dick off when he couldn't reach it. He put it back on when he was done of course.

Wolverine could totally do the same, but he won't dare.

Batman didn't train with monks not to put his hard earned athletics to use.

Gambit from the x-men can.... he seems the type is all

Professor X never could but he learned to manipulate his own mind to feel like he's being sucked.

Nobody dares ask Magneto if he can.

Superman doesn't need to. He can ram his dick into rocks if he wants to. He probably discovered sensations that'd drive a human crazy.

The Flash can switch between two positions really fast so his tongue and his dick become quantically entangled. He can also do it in public and finish before anyone notices.


End file.
